I recently met with Bill Brind, to have a conversation about Sexual Compulsive Behaviour Disorder, which can also be referred to as hypersexuality. The Mayo Clinic states that ‘Sexually compulsive behavior disorder is a mental health condition characterized by persistent, uncontrollable sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors that cause significant distress or impairment in daily life.’
Bill told me:
“My core professional background is in general and adult mental health nursing – many years ago! In 1998, I went on to train in psychotherapy, specialising in human sexuality.
I have undertaken further training in psychosexual problems/disorders, including compulsive sexual behaviour disorders (porn/sex addiction) and sexual offending behaviours.
For many years, I worked as lead psychosexual psychotherapist within a community mental health team – working with adult clients presenting with mental health diagnoses concurrent with sexual issues or concerns.
I retired from the NHS in 2012 and now work privately, still working in adult mental health but predominantly with clients presenting with compulsive sexual behaviour disorders (sexual addiction/porn addiction).
For over fifteen years, I have been working with adult men who present with compulsive sexual behaviour disorders (sex/porn addiction), many of whom have ‘crossed the line’ legally and have been viewing indecent images/engaging in online chat with underage individuals. They have eventually been brought to the attention of the police, arrested, and then face the consequences and devastation of their behaviours.
Many of these men began using legal/adult pornography when they were in their early teens (around the age of 12 years old, or younger) and their use has exacerbated as time has gone on. Nine times out of ten, these men have used adult pornography as self-medication/a soother/pain killer/antidepressant for their mental and emotional pain.
It is not only the viewing of pornography, more and more young men are entering online chatrooms where they engage with other people (some adults, some underage persons) – it would be difficult to determine the other persons’ true age as many people in these online chatrooms are in a ‘fantasy world’ and make up scenarios as they go along.
Having worked with men whose behaviours have devasted their own lives and those of their families, friends, and loved ones, I am truly concerned about the use of pornography and the welfare of people who use pornography and others people who are affected.”
Indeed, Relate have commented on the effects that this issue can have on those connected with the individual,
‘Finding out that your partner has a compulsion for sex or pornography can feel devastating. Not only do partners experience the betrayal and deceit that often accompanies an affair, but they may also have to face a future with a partner living in recovery from addiction. Often partners have absolutely no idea that their partner is an addict until it is either disclosed or discovered, so shock is the first and most intense emotion. Along with that are feelings of anger, shame, self-doubt, loss and fear.’
Bill continued:
“Of course, it is not all gloom and doom, for many people, viewing adult/legal pornography can be positive and even educational (from a sex education and couples therapy perspective). We know, many couples’ ‘use’ adult pornography as a means of ‘spicing up’ their sexual relationship.
I feel strongly about increasing information and awareness concerning ‘pornography misuse’ and how this may or may not impact mental health (anxiety, depression, isolation, irritability, anger, self-esteem, self-worth), as well as one’s sexuality, attachment issues, personal relationships and the compulsive and ‘addictive’ aspects of using pornography and online chatrooms.
For many people, this subject will be very difficult, delicate and emotionally painful to talk about. But research shows that the use of pornography and chatrooms among young men (and as we know, it is predominantly men), is on the increase.
As one esteemed presenter put it a few months ago at a conference I attended – ‘if we do not educate, as well as offer therapy, we could be reaching a public health crisis’.
I am concerned about how easy it is for people (young and older) to ‘go down a rabbit hole’ with their pornography/chatroom use and end up in the vicious circle of destruction.”
It is imperative to know that help and support is available for those whose lives are impacted by SCBD. Bill himself has thoughts on how to contribute to this:
“Where do I think I might come in on this?… I would like to meet with people to explain the work I do. Not to dramatize, but to present in a non-threatening, non-scaremongering manner. Perhaps by going into educational establishments as part of an organised curriculum to deliver information and awareness sessions and to expand this to workplaces that feel my input might be of help.
I would like to be able to share my knowledge and experience to ‘interested others’, to demystify some myths, and to create a safe space for open discussion. For this to be ‘educational’ and ‘preventative’ in the sense of helping people who feel their pornography and/or chatroom use might be becoming out of control, distressing, and harming themselves and others.
My ideal hope would be for any visits or meetings I make to help people become more self-aware and to feel it is ‘ok’ to seek professional help before they go down a rabbit hole of destruction.
During such visits, I would offer contact details of professional help and support agencies who people can contact if they have concerns about their sexual thoughts, fantasies, or behaviours.”
Despite of course being a highly sensitive topic, there is support which is understanding and appropriate. If you would like to access support or information around any of the issues mentioned in this blog, give the Healthwatch Essex Information & Guidance Service a call on 0300 500 1895, email [email protected] or text/WhatsApp on 07712 395398.
Sharon Westfield de Cortez
Information & Guidance Manager
Bill’s details:
Psychosexual and Relationship Psychotherapist (Dip Human Sexuality (Univ. Lond)
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist/Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorders (ATSAC, Lond)
Professional Certificate in Therapeutic Practice with Sexual Offending Behaviours (StopSO, Lond)
Certificate in Forensic Psychotherapeutic Studies (London)
Member ATSAC (Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity)
Member StopSO (Specialist Treatment Organisation for the Prevention of Sexual Offending)
COSRT Senior Accredited Therapist
COSRT Senior Accredited Clinical Supervisor
Registered Member BACP
RMN, SEN(g) (Retired) (adult mental health and general nursing – UK)