Re-Victimisation of Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse – 16 Days of Activism

For our 16 Days of Activism series, one of our Trauma Ambassadors, Rachel, has written about the re-victimisation of adult survivors of childhood abuse.

Content warning – please be aware that this account mentions childhood sexual abuse, which some people may find triggering. Do not read unless you feel comfortable to do so.

Studies have shown women who experienced childhood sexual abuse (CSA) are twice as likely to be victimised sexually in adulthood. As a survivor of CSA and repeated re-victimisation in adulthood I’ll be writing from experience here.

The symptoms of CSA can leave survivors as targets for further predation. Higher rates of substance abuse issues, PTSD/C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders and in some cases trauma related psychosis can leave survivors in a very vulnerable state.

The effects of living through danger while the brain is developing can alter the way people interpret danger later on. Some survivors have little fear of danger, not truly comprehending it. Red flags are harder for them to spot as, for example, they are already conditioned to abusive/threatening or controlling behaviours. Coupling a difficulty with interpreting who is safe with who isn’t and the frequently seen symptom of low self-esteem – they are likely to become targets for predatory people.

If you are dealing with these situations, I want you to know it’s not your fault or your shame to carry. When we open up and trust someone just to have that trust betrayed it can be easy to fall into self-blame. I also know that you can begin to feel like completely isolating yourself from the world when it has showed you so much cruelty but you are deserving of genuine friendships, connections and love relationships. You deserve respect, compassion and kindness.

Here are some red flags to look out for to keep in mind in new connections, to hopefully help keep you safe:

  • Pushing your boundaries, offended by you having boundaries
  • Attempts to isolate you from others, wants you dependant on them, may say things such as “I’m the only person you need, nobody else will help you..” and so on..
  • Openly saying cruel, disrespectful things or backhanded manipulative things that make you question yourself
  • Will use things you trusted them with against you, using your trauma against you
  • Belittling or mocking you
  • Disregard for consent
  • Mistreating you when you’re vulnerable

From my own experience of being an adult survivor, at times when I’ve been hurt again in adulthood I go into freeze or fawn mode. It often takes a long while afterwards to sink in what happened as I was so used to mistreatment and abuse as a child and I have to question myself even when I’ve been badly hurt or betrayed by another whether it was actually my fault or was it not even bad to do that to me. With time I learn it was never my fault and it was deplorable for anyone to do that to me.

I often describe my brain as frozen in time in that area, when someone is sexually or verbally abusive with me as an adult it is not the intelligent grown woman responding to it, it is the scared child that was being abused and brainwashed that it was normal and okay to do that to her. It takes time, I have to go back and pick her up and remind her she’s worth so much more then do my best to protect her going forward.

With each new experience we can learn new things, with each pain we can learn how to hold space for ourselves.

I implore all survivors to demand the respect they are so deserving of. When we have respect for our whole selves and our whole story – even the really hard parts we want to turn away from – when we accept and respect our whole beings we can command that in our lives and it becomes much harder for others to take advantage of us. This is not to put the onus on survivors, of course it is the responsibility of the perpetrator, it is their decision to mistreat us and you should not feel ashamed of falling victim to a predatory person. This is just advice to keep in mind as you go forward and open up to people and the world, you deserve to take up space and be heard here.

From one survivor to any others out there that may be reading this, you have my respect, I believe in you and your abilities, be safe.

Rachel
Trauma Ambassador

If you would like to access support around any of the issues mentioned in this blog, or to share your own lived experience, give the Healthwatch Essex Information & Guidance Service a call on 0300 500 1895, email [email protected] or text/WhatsApp on 07712 395398.

If you would like to find out more about the Trauma Ambassador Group and our work, you can find out more here.