For our 16 Days of Activism series, our Trauma Ambassador Kari has shared her experience of cyber stalking.
Content warning – please be aware that this account mentions physical and emotional abuse, and cyber stalking which some people may find triggering. Do not read unless you feel comfortable to do so.
I had been in a relationship that was abusive in many ways, but one part which is not talked about so much is the stalking aspect of abuse. This occurred not only whilst I was in the abusive relationship but also several months after leaving. Often this is when stalking is heightened significantly, due to the abuser feeling the loss of control and is often then at its most dangerous.
Whilst this hyper-connected digital world can be a blessing, it can also feel like a double-edged sword. It provides an anonymous platform for those who seek to harass, intimidate and stalk others. Cyber stalking is a form of online harassment that involves repeated and unwanted attention through digital means and this has profound and lasting effects on its victims.
The psychological, emotional and social ramifications of cyber stalking is a growing issue and often goes unnoticed.
In my experience, I was being stalked throughout my relationship, but for most of it, I was totally unaware until the emotional and physical abuse got to its worst. It then became apparent of the lengths the abuser would go, to track, victimise me and be aware of my every move.
Stalking made me hypervigilant with everything I did. My emails, my mobile, my home, my bank accounts, were all under constant surveillance, making me feel like I had nowhere to turn. The constant fear of being watched or targeted. Excessively alert to my surroundings and the online interactions I engaged in. The anxiety became debilitating, affecting daily activities and social interactions.
It is common for victims to feel isolated, ashamed, or powerless. The relentless nature of cyber harassment can strip away their sense of safety and security, leading to feelings of hopelessness. Many of us may feel that the emotional burden of cyber stalking is as severe as, if not worse than, that of physical stalking as it is the fear of the unseen.
I have been free from this type of abuse now, for 3 years or so, but it has changed my view of social media and the online space. The unpredictability of the stalker’s actions can exacerbate the ongoing cycle of trauma.
It can make us suspicious of new relationships, fearing that we could be targeted again. This erosion of trust can extend to family, friends, and the online communities that once felt safe.
Sometimes we can feel shame about the situation, believing we should have been able to prevent it or that we somehow deserve the treatment, particularly if it is alongside other forms of abuse.
It can lead to withdrawal from social circles, which in turn exaggerates feelings of isolation and loneliness making us feel trapped in a situation from which we feel we cannot escape, making us question our own identity. The constant harassment can distort self-image and how we perceive our worth.
Cyber stalking can strain other personal relationships. We may feel the need to isolate ourselves to protect loved ones from the stalker’s attention, further deepening our sense of loneliness.
It has become increasingly difficult to maintain privacy when you have been a victim of cyber stalking. It makes us feel the need to alter our online behaviours drastically, deleting social media accounts, limit our online presence, or adopt stringent privacy settings.
This can hinder our ability to engage in normal social interactions, which is another form of isolation from the abuser.
The thing to remember is cyber stalking is a serious crime that can leave deep psychological, emotional, and social scars. It is pivotal to raise awareness about the realities of cyber stalking and its impact.
It is crucial there are open discussions to be had and there needs to be stronger protections in place against cyber stalking from the media organisations. The system is failing to protect and this needs to change.
Kari Moore
Trauma Ambassador
If you would like to access support around any of the issues mentioned in this blog, or to share your own lived experience, give the Healthwatch Essex Information & Guidance Service a call on 0300 500 1895, email [email protected] or text/WhatsApp on 07712 395398.
If you would like to find out more about the Trauma Ambassador Group and our work, you can find out more here.